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Location: Central Michigan, United States

Spent a long career making lots of money for other people. Now it's my turn. _____________________________ Email:

Saturday, November 11, 2006

"Nice ass!"

Tonya, bending over in front of the “pay-here” counter cussed at the connection of wires she attempted to make from under the shelf which held the cash register.

“Tonya,” I said. “Have I told you lately what a nice ass you have?”

“Shit!” she exclaimed.

“No shit, “I said. “You have a nice ass.”

“That’s not what I meant, Erik! I can’t get this damn plug to go where it’s supposed to!”

“Can I help?”

“Sure. Come over here and lift the cash register so I can see underneath of it.”

I left my table, went over and raised the back-end of the cash register. Click. Tonya snapped the plug into its proper receptacle.

“Jesus…finally!” she said. ”I’ve been fooling with that thing since I got here this morning,”

“Why was it unplugged to begin with?” I asked.

“Who the hell knows,” she stated. “You can sit down now. I’ll order your breakfast.”

I went back to my regular table and sat down. Tonya went into the kitchen. As I watched her go, it occurred to me that she didn’t acknowledge my comment about her ass. Hmmm, maybe that annoyed her a bit…along with the plug.

No sooner had I finished those thoughts when Tonya came out of the kitchen carrying a chipped mug of coffee and sat down at my table. I was the only customer in the diner at the moment.

“Thanks for the help, Erik,” she said. “I’ll treat to your breakfast this morning.”

“Nah,” I said. “I didn’t do that much.”

Well, I want to.” She laughed then added, “Tell ya what. I’ll buy your breakfast, you leave the tip!”

“That’ll work!” I said. I thought about repeating my comment about her ass but a group of about half-dozen men came into the diner. Instead, I said, “Speaking of tips, here comes a bunch.”

“Yeah, “she said. “Those guys are a road construction crew. They’re good tippers.”

Tonya left her partially finished mug of coffee on the table and went to wait on the construction guys. Four more men came in to join the first group. All of those guys will appreciate Tonya’s ass, I thought.

Tonya finished taking the orders of the first table of men then went over to the second table. On her way to the second table, one of the guys at the first table said, “Boy, she sure does have a great ass!” There was a murmur of agreement from the other men. I noticed Tonya to wince but, she didn’t break-stride. I found it difficult not to laugh and thought she must hear that comment on a regular basis. She just doesn’t respond to any of those comments, I concluded.

I finished eating. Tonya came to take away the tableware and asked if I wanted more coffee. I told her no, and started to reach for my wallet. “Don’t forget,” she said. “It’s on me…just leave a big tip.” She giggled as she walked away toward the kitchen with my dirty dishes.

Finished with breakfast and the last drops of strong black coffee, I tossed a couple of bucks on the table, put on my jacket, and then started to make my way to the door. Tonya was still in the kitchen.

On my way to the door I noticed there were now over a dozen men in the little diner---eating, laughing and carrying on loud conversations about sports, hunting and other such man-talk.

I had just pulled the door open to leave when Tonya shouted from behind me, “Hey, Erik!”

I turned around and said, “Yes, Dear?”

“You too!” she yelled. The noise from the other conversations in the diner calmed.

“Me too, what?”

“Nice ass! You have a really nice ass! Pinchable!” Hoots and jeers arose from the dozen or so men.

Even though it was a cold morning, my cheeks were warm as I walked to my truck.


Blogger EA Monroe said...

Good Saturday morning, Erik. Nice to see another delicious post! Tonya was just waiting for the right moment -- to show how much more she appreciated your observation! She has great timing. Be careful walking down the street. You might get pinched. ;-)

11:39 AM EST  
Blogger Bernita said...

Hoot! Chortle!
That'll teach you, Erik!

12:24 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and did you relish in her compliment? what constitutes a "nice ass" comment from a man? what differentiates a nice ass from a not so nice ass? just curious.

10:45 PM EST  
Blogger R.J. Baker said...


Not sure exactly how to comment on this one...

1:34 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Now, a good Sunday morning to you, EA!

Heh, heh, I only wish you lovely ladies might still want to pinch mine.

8:47 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

You know me, Bernita. I'm a slow learner and learn the hard way.

8:48 AM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

Well, nobody's saying harass.

11:53 AM EST  
Anonymous Ric said...

Great post! Waitresses will get you every time. Been married to one for almost 28 years.

12:14 PM EST  
Anonymous Ric said...

Great post! Waitresses will get you every time. Been married to one for almost 28 years.

12:14 PM EST  
Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

Ha ha! A nice pinchable ass. If you were me, that line would be under your blog header.

Mine's more smackable.

9:47 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Thank you for stopping by. Good question. The old saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". What is a "nice ass" to me, may not be one to the next guy...thank goodness.


I might be kinda concerned if you did.


The gals at the diner are always harassing me.

7:02 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Great to see you!
Yes, waitresses are special people.

Ah, Samdra, I think yours is pinchable too. If we ever meet, don't turn your back on me. ~grinning~

7:05 AM EST  
Anonymous spyscribbler said...

That's priceless! That's the kind of thing I wish I could come up with. No wonder I keep fantasizing about spending a year waitressing!

1:06 PM EST  
Blogger Shesawriter said...

One thing is for sure, you've got one heck of an opening hook. :-)

7:20 PM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

I used to be crafty as a young fellow, turning an endearment into an entanglement.
Now I get high on people just brushing past me.
Ah well, there's always video funnies.
Girlfriend had said, "Monkey see, monkey do."


5:40 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Erik, I see your morning breakfasts are still giving you the energy. Great Post!. I miss being at the diner. You should have been there when they girls sang Happy Birthday. Would have love to hear a story about that. Looking forward to bumping into you soon.

10:23 PM EST  

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