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Location: Central Michigan, United States

Spent a long career making lots of money for other people. Now it's my turn. _____________________________ Email:

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

May I Ejaculate?

In our sex scenes, we give our characters gushing wet pussies and hard throbbing cocks. We make her thrash, tremble and scream with her orgasm. He thrusts, jets and grunts with his. He goes soft, she squeezes him out. They sigh. They snuggle, share a smoke and make false promises to each other during pillow-talk. We move them on to the next scene.

Ah…but what would we do with them if he couldn’t ejaculate? That’s apparently coming soon, so to speak.

Several years ago---high over EA’s Oklahoma in the first-class cabin of a Delta jet---another suit said to me, “Buy Pfizer”. He claimed to be a Wall Street mucky-muck. Of course I didn’t buy Pfizer. Not long after, Viagra deeply penetrated the…um…market.

Another time, a very beautiful but married woman said to me, “Stop by early this afternoon for coffee…or...uh...tea. Call first!”. I didn’t jump on that opportunity either. Regrets-regrets.

More recently---a couple of days ago---while driving to work in my Built Tough but now beat-to-shit Ford truck, one of the drive-time radio Doc’s started his daily commentary with a history of the aforementioned Viagra. Then, he went on to talk about the current research being conducted on a male birth-control drug which would prevent ejaculation!

Jesus H., I thought. Get it up, and stay in all day. Wow.

Sound good? I wonder.

From a male POV, I can in truth say that after the second or third Bernita researched 18 minute rest periods, it starts to become a bit more like…well…work. Showing off encounters physical limitations too. The shoulders begin to ache like hell, the legs begin to cramp painfully, the mind wanders off and the’ole pecker gets sore. When you start to think the Vaseline Intensive Care will feel better than the pussy does now, it’s time to get dressed.

Me? I think I’ll just go see my own Doc about a sample of Viagra…and enjoy the ejaculation.

Ladies POV?


Blogger Bernita said...

~laughing and giggling~
Erik, you're bad!
Some writers do occasionally mention female tenderness but seldom mention the possibility it might be shared by males!
But you've provided a good and sensible reason why the second or third sex scene in succession usually involves a change of respective positions - no matter how god-like those shoulders or how muscular those thighs.

7:58 AM EST  
Anonymous Ric said...

Very funny, Erik.

7:53 PM EST  
Blogger EA Monroe said...

Bernita's right. You are B-A-D, Erik. Guess what? I love Bad Boys! And here I am trying to stay out of mischief. I know you are going to get me into T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

I'm sorry to hear about the diner changing hours, but now I know what to get you for Christmas. No... not that. A Cookbook!

If you haven't been over to the "shadowlands," I'm inviting you to run away to Mexico with Josie, Ivan, and me. We're taking a swanky RV, hiring Driver Dave with the tattoos, and I'm blowing my Christmas bonus.

San said to bring Bug -- if Bug doesn't mind a slightly skunkish aroma.

Bernita and Ric can join us. The more the merrier!

8:22 PM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

Shurely you mean "interject".
But no. Ejaculate it is.
My English prof's name was Jack.
We put his name in the student handbook.
"Meoff. Jack.
69 Jarvis

Crap. You got me into hysterics!

9:38 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Thank you Ric. Good to see you've dug yourself out of winter here in good ole Michigan. Ice gone?

6:51 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

I figured you might appreciate this little piece, Ivan. Glad you did.

6:52 AM EST  
Blogger December Quinn said...

They snuggle, share a smoke and make false promises to each other during pillow-talk.

What a great sentence.

Ugh, a non-ejaculating/orgasming man would be a nightmare. That's like sex on speed (or certain cold medicines with speed in them)--you do it for hours and nobody finishes.

Women don't just get tender and sore, we get numb. After a while it stops feeling like anything. You start wondering why you thought this was a good idea in the first place. Are you hungry? No, thirsty is more like it. A nice glass of Gatorade would be perfect right about now. And maybe a snack, too.
Oh, you want me to flip over? Okay.
Sigh. I wish he would hurry up and finish. There's a TV show on at nine I wanted to watch--is that really the time? How long is he planning on keeping this up? It ain't gonna happen, buddy. Let's just admit defeat and put our clothes on. It's getting cold in here.
Ow! leg cramp!
And so on...and so on...

I've never understood people who are into tantric sex for that very reason. I just don't have that kind of time, frankly, and I certainly don't have the patience.

Great post!

7:31 AM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

I sympathise and empathise.
My last dutchess used to get fairly bored with my attempts, the alchol,like cold medicine, desensitising the male, so he becomes something of the DURACELL rabbit.
Towards morning, I heard the sick hairdryer sound sound of machinery dying.
Poor woman couldn't even get herself off electronically. She didn't get the message (massage?) from the medium.
She sent me to Radio Shack for batteries.
I came back with a plug-in model.
"Think of me," I said tenderly.
Ah well. Watching is fun too.
I fear my lovemaking has become mechanical!

12:00 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...


Actually, I like to cook. Fancy stuff...stew, chili, steaks, cornbread....

1:12 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Thank you, Bernita, Dear Gal. Your laughs and giggles are the high compliment.

12:21 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

"Women don't just get tender and sore, we get numb."

Ya know, December, I don't think I have ever seen it described that way. I've seen sore, painful, dried-up, bored, etc...but never "numb". A new word-tool for us as writers, for sure.

I am glad you stopped by to post.

12:26 PM EST  
Blogger December Quinn said...

You're welcome!

It's true, though. After a while it stops feeling like anything.

(At least for me. Maybe I'm wierd.)

7:31 AM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

Ray Charles:
"You don't need no icebox.
I'm gonna get your a Frigidaire."

4:54 PM EST  
Blogger EA Monroe said...

Hi Erik. Just popped in to say hiya.

5:44 PM EST  
Anonymous kis said...

December, you're not weird.

Numb is definitely the word for it. For me, the best sex is short, sweet, and over before House comes on at nine. Never understood the marathoners out there.

Faced with the possibility of sex that never has an end, I'm forced to contemplate life in a nunnery.

My dear Mr. Erik, I zipped over from December's looking for something amusing. You did not disappoint.

5:49 PM EST  
Blogger Shesawriter said...

That would make for a very ... er ... unsatisfying read. :-D

10:50 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Um...EA...come by when you can stay awhile. Hi back.

7:43 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Ah, Kis, wonderful to meet you. You'll note the Gazebo has no door to close. You are always welcome here. And thank you for the compliment.

7:45 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Hello, Tanya! I've missed seeing you, very much.

7:46 AM EST  
Anonymous EAMonroe said...

Good evening, or good morning, depending on whenever you're reading this, Erik. I dropped by to say hi and that I figured out how to circumvent Blogger's lockout for non-beta posters. Ha! I may switch over this weekend.

I don't think I am corrupted enough to walk on the naughty side of life and post the alternate POV to your post... yet. Hey, life's short and I always say go for the gusto.

After this week's escapades, there's hope for me!

I do take bribes though.

8:41 PM EST  

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