Twin Fawns
The small spotted fawn bounded from cover onto the highway. Inexperienced footing failed and flung it belly down in front of my headlights. Tiny legs flailed without success for an up-righting purchase.
The strength forced by adrenaline locked solid the brakes on my truck. Rubber smoked and squealed as ugly black trails burned into cement. My heart leapt into my throat.
Distance closed. All seemed lost for the baby deer. The animal was soon gone from my sight. My guts anticipated the sickening, crushing, killing impact.
Motion ceased, and the truck had stalled. My window down, all was still. I quietly exited the vehicle with flashlight in hand and grave apprehension in thought. A green vile taste filled my mouth.
Sounds. Scrapes and a clatter. Motion. A blur of white spots caught my eye, barely visible in dim light on the opposite side of the truck. A rustle of brush.
I shined the flashlight beam into the near woods. A doe with her twin fawns stood curious in the light. Big warm eyes calmed the recent cold event. The doe then raised her white tail and led the twins away.
It was just after midnight. I looked up and thanked God for the good beginning of a new day.
The strength forced by adrenaline locked solid the brakes on my truck. Rubber smoked and squealed as ugly black trails burned into cement. My heart leapt into my throat.
Distance closed. All seemed lost for the baby deer. The animal was soon gone from my sight. My guts anticipated the sickening, crushing, killing impact.
Motion ceased, and the truck had stalled. My window down, all was still. I quietly exited the vehicle with flashlight in hand and grave apprehension in thought. A green vile taste filled my mouth.
Sounds. Scrapes and a clatter. Motion. A blur of white spots caught my eye, barely visible in dim light on the opposite side of the truck. A rustle of brush.
I shined the flashlight beam into the near woods. A doe with her twin fawns stood curious in the light. Big warm eyes calmed the recent cold event. The doe then raised her white tail and led the twins away.
It was just after midnight. I looked up and thanked God for the good beginning of a new day.
posted by Erik Ivan James | 9:19 AM
10 Comments:
A true heart-in-the-mouth moment, Erik.
Something we've all feared - the accidental kill.
Good!
Just needs a light dusting of copy, or copy-editng.
I'm just a little uncomfortable with "The strenth forced by adrenaline locked solid the brakes of my truck."
I may have gone, "The sudden attempt to stop,fuelled by panic and adrenaline, locked the brakes of my truck."
But it's really picayune on my part.
On the whole, this short-short really works and has all the elements of reader identification (many of us have been there) and the strong appeal of any story featuring an animal in distress.
Then there is the wisdom of knowing that somehow, through some kind of fate, we are born again every morning.
Thanks, Bernita. Yeah, most of us have been there!
Thank you, Ivan. You are very generous.
Erik,
This is a very visual piece. You've put a lot of great detail in it. Nice.
Thanks, Tanya. I'm sorta just "writing on the fly" these days. Throw them together, throw them up here.
Writing on the fly is always a very difficult propostion, there's not much room to write on the average fly. They're making zippers so much smaller these days...
Just think: another 80,000 words and you've got a novel! Put THAT in your coffee cup and stare at it taking up room where you want caffeine!!
You draw people right into the scene. Nicely done!
Well, Forrest, I need to put something in my coffee mug. You keep drinking all the damn coffee.
Thank you Samdra. Compliments from you are special.
Wow what a story!
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