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Spent a long career making lots of money for other people. Now it's my turn. _____________________________ Email: erikivanjames@gmail.com

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Bug Tails - "Bug's Cookies"


Bug: active, adorable, affectionate…asshole.

And a pack-rat. Many, if not most dogs will bury at least some of their treasures. Bug buries everything; his toys, chewy bones, treats, leash, and now and then his food. I suspect his propensity to do so is influenced by the amount of time he spent as a stray. At least several weeks, I think.

Since Bug still dangles his balls, I don’t let him run loose unless I am close-to-hand. Our living vicinity contains several female dogs and…well…Bug is adorable. I don’t want the neighborhood pissed at me because of unplanned litters of pups.

When Bug is out-of-doors, unsupervised, he is in a spacious and clean kennel. In their kennel, he and Old Libby have the best view of the lake in the neighborhood. This is where he buries stuff.

In previous Bug Tails episodes, I’ve told of Bug’s manners in the bedroom. They suck! My sleep deprivation seems one of his goals. Lying atop the pages of my reading material and eating his bedtime dog-cookie is a nightly ritual. Several times during a night he will also wake me…um…to check on me?

Two nights ago, when I brought Bug and Libby in from the kennel just prior to going to bed, Bug immediately ran between one of the sofas and a wall. Something new for him, but I didn’t pay much attention to the action because he returned quickly. I gave him and Libby their hand-full of evening treats, went into the bathroom to pee, and then went to bed.

In bed, I wriggled into a comfortable position on my belly, unwrapped a no-sugar-added Popsicle, opened my book and waited for Bug to bring his cookie. He didn’t come.

Several minutes passed, I read a few pages and unwrapped another Popsicle. Hmmm…I began to wonder, what in hell is Bug doing? I’ll finish this Popsicle, I thought, and then go check on him. More time passed. I read several more pages, finished the second Popsicle and still no Bug.

Aw, shit, I thought, I better go see what he’s doing. I crawled out of bed, gathered up the Popsicle sticks and wrappers, and then went looking for Bug.

Crap! A wasted trip! Bug and Libby were munching dog biscuits on the living room rug. Both watched me walk by without making any effort toward me. I tossed the Popsicle sticks and wrappers in the garbage, went into the bathroom to pee again, and then went back to bed and my book.

SPLAT! No, not thunk, thud, plunk or boink, it was splat. The thing Bug dropped onto the pages of my book was black, wet, slimy, and smelled like the inside of my boots after a long hike in the woods on a hot day. “Jesus H. Christ!” I said to Bug. “What is that?” Bug didn’t answer, of course. He licked my face instead. His breath smelled like that glob lying on my book.

I slid out of the warm bed…again, picked up the book and made my way back out to the garbage can. I had to scrape the wad of black, smelly goop off the book. It was stuck on the pages. With a dry paper towel, I dabbed up the remains as best I could without ruining the book entirely. Pissed-off at Bug, I went back to bed. He wasn’t still there waiting for me. Smart dog.

Once again, snuggled under the covers on my belly and with my book open to clean pages, I began to doze instead of read. I just couldn’t stay awake.

My eyes snapped open! I’d been startled awake! Bug! He was on his belly too, across the pages of my book. His cold, wet nose was pressed against mine. We looked into each other’s eyes with me thinking evil thoughts. Just as I was about to bite him on his nose, he lowered his head into the crook of my neck and shoulder. He wiggled his body in a little closer to me and sighed with a little moan thrown-in. Bug: active, adorable, affectionate…asshole!

Next, it was morning.

6 Comments:

Blogger Bernita said...

Aw.
I wuvs Bug.
But. What was it?
Had he hidden something behind the sofa and brought it as a present?

11:03 AM EST  
Blogger EA Monroe said...

Awww… I do enjoy Bug’s Tails. He’s just sharing. San prefers rubbing and rolling in the smelly, nasty goops she finds in the yard. At least Mr. Bug doesn’t smell like slowly fading skunk! Since the weather was warm, sunny and windy today and good for hanging outdoors, San had a bath. Did you know that water revitalizes Pepi Le Pew aroma?

Hey, thanks for allowing me to be such a PitA pest this past week. You deserve a medal, or two.

6:12 PM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

Joing Liz in enjoying Bug's Tails.
Hey, Bug a human?

4:32 PM EST  
Blogger December Quinn said...

Aaaw! That's so cute.

But yeah, what was it?

I had a dog who brought home half an iguana one day. The rear half. I don't know if he killed the iguana, although I don't think so.

He sure rolled in it, though. And we were having a drought that summer, and when we washed him that night people kept driving past and giving us disapproving looks.

5:11 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Um, only Bug knows for sure. I sure as hell don't! I don't think it was something that was once alive though.

7:09 AM EST  
Blogger EA Monroe said...

San to Bug: See, pal, aren't you glad you took some advice from an "older chick?" Next time, give him a big slurp across the face. Gets 'em everytime. Way to go, Bug!

PS: My leg I injured yesterday while practicing my vertical leaps (darn squirrel!) is all better today. Stick around and watch how I work the sympathy angle. She falls for it everytime and gives me a cookie! Try it!

2:48 PM EST  

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