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Location: Central Michigan, United States

Spent a long career making lots of money for other people. Now it's my turn. _____________________________ Email: erikivanjames@gmail.com

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Christmas Turkey

“Good morning, Tonya!”

No answer.

“Um…you’re in a bad mood?”

“Yup!”

“Pissed at me?”

“Nope!”

“Who?”

“Asshole husband!”

“Okaaaay, what did he do?”

“Didn’t do!”

“Okaaaay, what didn’t he do?”

“Fucker didn’t take the Christmas turkey out of the freezer to thaw like I told him to!”

“Oh.”

“I had a house full of guests and hot dogs for Christmas dinner!”

“Oh. Guess I won’t ask if you had a good Christmas then?”

“Not if you value your balls!”

“Yeah.”

“So, what do you want for breakfast…asshole?”

“Thought you weren’t pissed at me?”

“You’re a man, ain’t ya?”

“Yeah, last time I looked.”

“Well then, what do you want for breakfast…asshole?

Hmmm….maybe it’s in my best interests to talk with Tonya’s husband about his New Year’s resolutions.

13 Comments:

Blogger Bernita said...

Oooooh!
I'm with Tonya!

7:08 AM EST  
Anonymous Ric said...

More men bashing. Don't know when women are going to understand...
we don't have the fucking owner's manual.
Eve took it and the ladies have been doling out tidbits through all eternity.

8:31 AM EST  
Blogger EA Monroe said...

Oh, yeah! ~laughing~

Hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas, Erik! We survived. One of Ivan's miracles, I'm sure!

8:49 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

~laughing~
Good point, Ric!
Although you must be one of the few lucky ones. At least you've found a few of the tidbits.

12:18 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Yep, EA, Ivan the miracle man. He does wonders, doesn't he?

12:20 PM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

Gee, Erik, I was going to come in with something cute, but after your nice comment, I am totaly disarmed.

Ah those of us in this land of migrant men and women.
I had decided to give it all up,
but then I get more viruses on my computer from "accidentally" hitting some sites.

Nothing like the real thing, and no pain, no gain.

Besides, I'm going blind and my growth is stunted.

Hm. Maybe I'll answer one of those mash notes...
Probably from some guy!

Better to ride than to take thoughtful walks and hit washrooms along the way, Erik.

Ride 'em cowboy!

1:12 PM EST  
Blogger Meander said...

just stopped by to wish you a merry christmas...oh about several days late! but i am in time to wish you a happy new year! toot toot!

5:39 PM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

"Ride 'em cowboy!" he said.

I think I need a break from the broncs, Ivan. My butt is sore from being bucked off.

7:09 AM EST  
Blogger Erik Ivan James said...

Toot, toot back at'cha Meander. Happy New Year to you too. I am wishing for the very best for you in the next year and beyond. I think you deserve some good.

7:12 AM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

The mares have a way of coming back, Erik.
Soon the woods will be polluted with them.

8:02 AM EST  
Blogger EA Monroe said...

Erik, forget the crappy weather in Michigan. Come to the Beach Party! And do not be late!

4:24 PM EST  
Blogger ivan said...

Yeah,
And some Johnny Depp ran away with Liz.
Avast!

8:26 PM EST  
Blogger Elizabeth Krecker said...

You really can't win when a woman is in that kind of mood. Yup. Better start working on your neighbor's resolutions.

10:20 PM EST  

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